Last active 6 months ago

db's Avatar db revised this gist 6 months ago. Go to revision

1 file changed, 3 insertions, 1 deletion

jokes.txt

@@ -83,4 +83,6 @@ I have contacts.
83 83 To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
84 84 You have my Word.
85 85
86 - I'm so upset—my barber said he can't cut my hair any longer. He can only cut it shorter.
86 + I'm so upset—my barber said he can't cut my hair any longer. He can only cut it shorter.
87 +
88 + 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

db's Avatar db revised this gist 6 months ago. Go to revision

1 file changed, 3 insertions, 1 deletion

jokes.txt

@@ -81,4 +81,6 @@ I will find whoever stole my glasses.
81 81 I have contacts.
82 82
83 83 To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
84 - You have my Word.
84 + You have my Word.
85 +
86 + I'm so upset—my barber said he can't cut my hair any longer. He can only cut it shorter.

db's Avatar db revised this gist 8 months ago. Go to revision

1 file changed, 22 insertions, 1 deletion

jokes.txt

@@ -60,4 +60,25 @@ How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
60 60 Eclipse it
61 61
62 62 I saw on the news they arrested the worlds top tongue twister.
63 - I hear he's going to get a pretty tough sentence.
63 + I hear he's going to get a pretty tough sentence.
64 +
65 + What do you call a well-balanced horse?
66 + Stable
67 +
68 + Why should you never play poker at the zoo?
69 + Because there are too many cheetahs
70 +
71 + Can a frog jump higher than a house?
72 + Of course, a house can't jump
73 +
74 + Why was the whale sad?
75 + Because it lost its porpoise
76 +
77 + Why do crabs never give to charity?
78 + Because they’re shellfish
79 +
80 + I will find whoever stole my glasses.
81 + I have contacts.
82 +
83 + To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
84 + You have my Word.

db's Avatar db revised this gist 9 months ago. Go to revision

1 file changed, 11 insertions, 2 deletions

jokes.txt

@@ -50,5 +50,14 @@ In a dadda-base
50 50 What do mermaids use to wash their fins?
51 51 Tide
52 52
53 - Who won the neck decorating contest?.
54 - It was a tie
53 + Who won the neck decorating contest?
54 + It was a tie
55 +
56 + What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
57 + Philipe Fallop
58 +
59 + How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
60 + Eclipse it
61 +
62 + I saw on the news they arrested the worlds top tongue twister.
63 + I hear he's going to get a pretty tough sentence.

db's Avatar db revised this gist 9 months ago. Go to revision

1 file changed, 54 insertions

jokes.txt(file created)

@@ -0,0 +1,54 @@
1 + 5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants.
2 + Now they’re tenants.
3 +
4 + A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.
5 + The nurse asked the rabbit: "What's your blood type?"
6 + "I'm probably a Type O", said the rabbit.
7 +
8 + Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?
9 + Because they're extinct
10 +
11 + Why is sausage bad for you?
12 + Because it brings out the Wurst in people
13 +
14 + What has four wheels and flies?
15 + A garbage truck
16 +
17 + Did you hear about the famous pickle?
18 + He's a really big dill
19 +
20 + How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
21 + Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear
22 +
23 + Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
24 + He was too far out
25 +
26 + Where do bad rainbows go?
27 + To prism. It’s a light sentence, but gives them time to reflect
28 +
29 + What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
30 + Nothing, just a little wine
31 +
32 + What do you call a criminal landing an airplane?
33 + Condescending
34 +
35 + How many storm troopers does it take to change a lightbulb?
36 + None, because they are all on the dark side
37 +
38 + Why did the coffee taste like dirt?
39 + Because it was ground just a few minutes ago
40 +
41 + What do you call a never-ending food fight?
42 + All you can yeet.
43 +
44 + Why couldn't the produce manager make it to work?
45 + He could drive, but he didn't avocado
46 +
47 + What's the best way to save your dad jokes?
48 + In a dadda-base
49 +
50 + What do mermaids use to wash their fins?
51 + Tide
52 +
53 + Who won the neck decorating contest?.
54 + It was a tie
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